When it comes to love, it’s not all about grand dates and material things.
And if sometimes you find yourself thinking if your partner still loves you, then you’re not alone.
We all go through that. But wouldn’t it be better to find out what love language your significant other speaks?
In a relationship, there are five different ways that people receive and express love, and these are called the love languages.
It’s important to learn your partner’s love language and express your own so that both of you can feel loved and valued.
The Five Love Languages
Different love languages were developed as a concept by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages.”
He talks about how we express love in our relationships in different ways.
We do not all express ourselves the same way and for some people, one love language is way more important than others.
This is vital in any relationship, for it helps deal with conflict and understand behaviors.
If your partner is not reciprocating love in the way you like to receive it, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, they just show it in a different way.
Here are the five love languages explained.
1. Physical Touch
People who speak this love language are drawn to the sensation of being held.
They enjoy being held, cuddled, and stroked.
You need your partner’s physical presence in order to feel appreciated.
Communication style: Through touch and non-verbal gestures like hand-holding or a neck rub.
Do: Make an effort to express your affection physically through hugs, kisses, hand-holding etc. Prioritize time for this kind of intimacy.
Avoid: Receiving a hug coldly, long periods without affection.
2. Quality time
Those with this love language like spending time with their companion without the distractions of cell phones or television.
Talking, cooking, making plans for the future, or simply being in the same room are all examples of companionship.
Communication style: Focused conversations without interruptions. One on One time together.
Do: Take time for focused conversations and shared experiences. Go for walks, cook, create or plan weekend getaways just the two of you.
Avoid: Being distracted when you are talking to your partner, going for long periods without good one-on-one quality time.
3. Words of Affirmation
Chapman says, people with this love language need to hear words of affection, love, encouragement, and acknowledgment.
They need to hear “I love you” often, ideally backed up with all the reasons why.
Communication style: Encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize. Listen attentively.
Do: Send an encouraging and affectionate written note, text, or card out of the blue. Be consistent with affirming words and do not insult.
Avoid: Not appreciating or recognizing effort. Non-constructive criticism.
4. Receiving Gifts
The person with this love language finds that receiving gifts is a symbol of love.
It can be simple, it’s not about grand gestures, just the thought of expressing love through a thoughtful gift.
Communication style: Being thoughtful and purposeful. Knowing your partner’s tastes.
Do: Give thoughtful gifts not just on special occasions. Express your gratitude for receiving a gift from them.
Avoid: Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
5. Acts of Service
It’s likely that if this is your “love language,” you’re drawn to acts of selflessness.
Walking the dog, unloading the groceries, or fixing a leaky faucet are all examples of being of service.
Communication style: Say “I will” and “I’ll help” frequently, it reveals your willingness to assist your partner and make their life easier.
Do: Tend to the chores that are always left till last, walk the dog, make breakfast in bed, do something to alleviate your partner’s load.
Avoid: Not following through or prioritizing helping someone else over your partner often.
The best thing to do is to get clear on what you think your love languages are and your partner’s.
Sitting down and discussing the ways you value your relationship is a great way to start this conversation with your partner.
What do you think is your partner’s love language?