Unless you live alone, chances are that over the last few weeks you have found yourself in away from your significant other. The enforced quarantine means that we are all spending more time with family or partners.
Life might be getting challenging as we each navigate these new living conditions while also dealing with anxiety from this global uncertainty.
The secret to a relationship to survive the lockdown lies in good communication, deep listening, and a patient understanding of each other.
Instead of feeling stressed about literally being together 24/7, you could take this time as an opportunity to get to know your relationship better and strengthen the foundations on which it stands.
Next time you snap at each other over something petty, think about why you are react and why and equally consider your partner’s actions.
Often, there is a lot more going on under the surface than the seemingly mundane fight. Perhaps, when you get mad at your partner for not making dinner at a certain time what you are really feeling is rejection and lack of consideration for your needs.
That could be triggering a whole emotional wound from the past. If only your partner just understood that for you, the act of making dinner on time symbolizes how much they are willing to care for you and are aware of your needs.
Meanwhile, from your partner’s point of view, perhaps they didn’t make dinner because they were busy working. For them, working to provide for you and your family is their way of showing how much they care for you and want to provide.
What we have here is a classic case of two people misunderstanding each other’s love language.
The Five Love Languages
Different love languages were developed as a concept by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages.” He talks about how we express love in our relationships in different ways. We do not all express ourselves the same way and for some people, one love language is way more important than others.
This is vital in any relationship, for it helps deal with conflict and understand behaviors. If your partner is not reciprocating love in the way you like to receive it, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, they just show it in a different way.
Here are the five love languages explained.
Words of Affirmation
Chapman says, people with this love language need to hear words of affection, love, encouragement and acknowledgment. They need to hear “I love you” often, ideally backed up with all the reasons why.
Communication style: Encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize. Listen attentively.
Do: Send an encouraging and affectionate written note, text or card out of the blue unexpected note, text or card. Be consistent with affirming words and do not insult.
Avoid: Not appreciating or recognizing effort. Non-constructive criticism.
Quality time
People with this love language like undivided attention and hanging out with their partner without distractions like cell phones or TV. It could be talking, preparing a meal, discussing future plans or just being in the same room.
Communication style: Focused conversations without interruptions. One on One time together.
Do: Take time for focused conversations and shared experiences. Go for walks, cook, create or plan weekend getaways just the two of you.
Avoid: Being distracted when you are talking to your partner, going for long periods without good one-on-one quality time.
Physical Touch
People with this love language thrive on physical touch. They like to be hugged, held and caressed. The physical presence of your partner is important to you to feel loved.
Communication style: Through touch and non-verbal gestures like hand-holding or a neck rub.
Do: Make an effort to express your affection physically through hugs, kisses, hand-holding etc. Prioritize time for this kind of intimacy.
Avoid: Receiving a hug coldly, long periods without affection.
Receiving Gifts
The person with this love language finds that receiving gifts is a symbol of love. It can be simple, it’s not about grand gestures, just the thought of expressing love through a thoughtful gift.
Communication style: Being thoughtful and purposeful. Knowing your partner’s tastes.
Do: Give thoughtful gifts not just on special occasions. Express your gratitude for receiving a gift from them.
Avoid: Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Acts of Service
If this is your love language you appreciate meaningful acts of service. This could be anything from walking the dog to unpacking the groceries or mending a leaky tap.
Communication style: Say “I will” and “I’ll help” frequently, it reveals your willingness to assist your partner and make their life easier.
Do: Tend to the chores that are always left till last, walk the dog, make breakfast in bed, do something to alleviate your partner’s load.
Avoid: Not following through or prioritizing helping someone else over your partner often.
The best thing to do is to get clear on what you think your love languages are and your partner’s. Sitting down and discussing the ways you value your relationship is a great way to start this conversation with your partner.
Taking the time to learn and really understand your partner’s primary love language, which is usually different from your own, can improve communication and strengthen your bond.
When you figure out your love languages, you can avoid a lot of tension and unnecessary conflict.
During these tense and chaotic times, it’s important to be able to listen, understand and communicate with your loved ones.
