“What do you want to say?” he said for the third time.

I stared at him blankly, my heart pounding, yet my mouth remained shut. I couldn’t say it.

Ever since I was a child, I always have trouble expressing how I feel, especially if I think that it would hurt someone’s feelings. Growing up, I’ve learned to suppress my opinions to keep the peace in the relationships that I have in my life.

Now, I’m at the prime of life, I have a career, a tiny apartment that I share with my best friend, and a boyfriend. Now, about the last part.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now and things have been pretty great the first few months, until he turned into a… monster. He’s become possessive and would always ask me my whereabouts. At first, it was cute, until it became irrational. There were days that I had to tell him everything that I do. Despite that, he takes care of me and I know he loves me a lot.

And I love him too.

But, I can’t tell him how I feel because I don’t like to upset him.

One afternoon, I was hanging out with my best friend. She’s the only one who knows about what I deal with in my relationship.

“You need to learn how to express your feelings. You can’t live your life like this forever,” she said.

“I know… if only I could find that shot of confidence. Maybe I should get really drunk, huh?,” I replied.

“He would probably not believe you, and drunken conversations, no matter how honest they can be, can also be messy,” she replied.

“You’re right… ugh, what should I do…?”

That night, I went to bed still thinking of ways to tell my boyfriend that I don’t like how possessive he’s become.

The next day at the office, it was our weekly talk held by our members who work in various industries. I work at a co-working space, so I get to mingle with a lot of individuals in different industries. I was so out of it that I didn’t realize that our speaker for that day is our newest member, a lady who runs a wellness business.

I was tasked to oversee the event so I sat down and waited for the others to arrive. The lady greeted me with a warm smile. I never had the chance to talk to her yet but her aura brings so much warmth in the room that it’s impossible not to like her.

Her talk began and I was listening intently to her tips, I love how clear and effective she communicates. And like a light bulb moment, I think I’ve finally found the answer to my current dilemma.

After her talk, I came up to her and told her how I admired her communication skills. I mentioned I always have a problem with communication and expression, and if she could give me tips.

I was prepared to take out my notebook again to write them down but she fumbled on her bag and gave me a necklace.

“Oh, I couldn’t accept this. It looks so precious,” I said.

“That’s okay, I have another one of those. This is a pendulum necklace. I use take it anywhere with me to help me express and communicate well. I use it every night — it’s like meditation, but with the use of this pendulum. Ever since I used it, people have been coming up to me telling me how I inspire them to express themselves and say what’s on their mind,” she said.

After a few “oh-no-i-couldnt-accept-this” I finally gave in. I took it with me and as soon as I got home, I read about how to use a pendulum and its benefits. Boy, was I surprised with the vast world of pendulums, crystals, and what-not.

I used it that night, and every night that week, and I was very mindful of its effects in my life.

Until a heated conversation with my boyfriend happened in the middle of the week and I finally blurted out what I’ve been wanting to tell him for months.

It was one of those moments that I felt extremely courageous and after telling him, I felt a sense of relief.

I didn’t know what led that on, but I just said it, finally. Until I realized that it was the pendulum that helped me. It was the nightly rituals that I do with it that helped me better open up to my partner.

And what can I say? I’m grateful for it.

Now, I’m engaged with my boyfriend and things are going well between us now. We learned to communicate and respect each other more.

To add to that, I’ve also been very crazy over crystals and pendulums lately. This is where I get some of them.